"Jeff Foxworthy in the Middle ages" joke

You know you're Castle Trash if...
Your shroud of Turin is painted on velvet
Your daughter's chastity belt has rusted
You can't afford a cod piece... nobody notices
You have more sheep dogs than sheep
You sold your only horse to buy that jousting lance you just had to have...
The plague improved your complexion... but only for a little while
The Pope sends you to the Crusades... in Norway
Your armor is made from that foil that came with your chewing gum
Your wife is stronger than your plow horse...but the horse is prettier
The grail you brought home has "made in China" printed on the bottom
Your wife says you have the smallest turret in the kingdom
You won "most improved " at the tournament
They call your daughter made Marian
Your family crest is a chicken with a banner that says "peace before discomfort"
Your sheep seem strangely nervous around your oldest son