"Jewish weddings gone bad" joke
A Jewish father, Moisha, was beset by his eldest son Yitzak...
"Father, I am going to marry!"
His father begins to dance with joy and sing Hava Nagila... "Tell me, is she a good Jewish girl?" says the father. "What is her name?"
"O'Brien" replies the son... "She's Catholic..."
"Oy!" says the father... "But are you happy?"
"I'm happy," says the son.
"Ok...as long as you're happy... my blessings to you both," replies Moisha.
But the father is still counting on his remaining sons, Schlemiel and Chutzpah...
Schlemiel calls on his father the next evening, "Father... I too will be married soon!"
Again, Moisha breaks out in a dance and sings God's praises...
"What is her name," implores the father?
"Kazalopodopolous," says the son. "She's Greek Orthodox..."
"Oy," says Moisha... "But are you happy?"
"I'm happy, father..."
"Ok... then you, too, have my blessing," intones Moisha.
Dejected, Moisha goes to the Temple to pray. "Please God, let my remaining son Chutzpah marry a nice Jewish girl... to raise nice Jewish children in your eyes. PLEASE!"
Chutzpah comes to his father excitedly and exclaims, "Father! I am to wed in the spring!"
"Her NAME? WHAT IS HER NAME" his father immediately demands?
"Goldberg!" says Chutzpah! Moisha is beside himself with joy! "Praise God! Praise the Prophets!"
Turning to Chutzpah, he asks, "Is she Doctor Goldberg's daughter Shelley, from Los Angeles?"
"No..." says Chutzpah.
"Hmmm," says Moisha, "Must be Attorney Goldberg's daughter Rachel from Hollywood?"
"Ah... no, father" says Chutzpah.
"Well, then, what is her first name, my youngest, truest, most beautiful Son?"
"Whoopi," says Chutzpah.
A young woman goes into the doctor's office for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a red "H" on her chest. "How did you get that mark on your chest?" asks the doctor. "Oh, my boyfriend went to Harvard and he's so proud of it that he never more...
A very attractive lady goes up to a bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the bartender who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face closer to hers. When he does, she begins to gently caress his full more...
Two cats: Felix & Un-deux-trois, decided to have a race to see who could swim across the river first.Guess who won? Felix! Because Un-deux-trois cat sank.
(Un deux trois quatre cinq)
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
Three ministers - a Presbyterian, a Methodist, and a Baptist - and their wives were on a cruise. A tidal wave came up and swamped the ship; they all drowned, and before long, they were standing before St. Peter.
First came the Presbyterian and his wife. St. Peter more...