"Lasting Marriage" joke

My wife and I have the secret to making a marriage last. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, a little wine, good food and companionship. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.

We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in Florida and mine is in N. Y.

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?" "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"

We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

She has an electric blender, electric toaster, and electric bread maker. Then she said "There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.

My wife told me the car wasn't running well, there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was, she told me, "In the lake."

My wife is on a new diet. Coconuts and bananas. She hasn't lost weight, but BOY, can she climb a tree now!

She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.

She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" The driver said, "No, jump in!"