"Life In The Navy 5" joke

Lock Yourself And Your Family In Your House For 6 Weeks. Then Tell Them That At The End Of The 6th Week You're Going To Take Them To Disneyland For "Weekend Liberty." When The End Of The 6th Week Rolls Around, Inform Them That Disneyland Has Been Canceled Due To The Fact That They Need To Get Ready For Engineering-Certification, And That It Will Be Another Week Before They Can Leave The House.

In Your Grim, Gray Dumpster (Refer To #1), With 200 Of Your Not-So-Closest Friend (Cite Para. 12) Regardless Of Gender, Make Sure To Stay Long Enough That Everyone Has Hot Flashes, Mood Swings And Pms!

Sleep On The Shelf In Your Closet. Replace The Closet Door With A Curtain. Have You Wife Whip Open The Curtain About 3 Hours After You Go To Sleep. She Should Then Shine A Flashlight In Your Eyes And Mumble "Sorry, Wrong Rack."

Renovate Your Bathroom. Build A Wall Across The Middle Of Your Bathtub, Move The Shower Head To Chest Level. When You Take Showers, Make Sure You Shut Off The Water While You Soap Down.

When There Is A Thunderstorm In Your Area, Find A Wobbly Rocking Chair And Rock As Hard As You Can Until You Become Nauseous. Have A Supply Of Stale Crackers In Your Shirt Pocket.
Put Lube Oil In Your Humidifier And Set It On High.

For Ex-Engineering Types: Leave The Lawn Mower Running In Your Living Room Eight Hours A Day.

Have The Paperboy Give You A Haircut.

Once A Week, Blow Compressed Air Up Your Chimney, Making Sure The Wind Carries The Soot Onto Your Neighbors House. Ignore His Complaints.