"Life is not about how fast you run" joke

If your feet smell and your nose runs, you're built upside down.

Too bad all the people who know how to run this country are busy running taxicabs or cutting hair.

Sex is like air. It's not important unless you aren't getting any.

Did you hear about the midget that overdosed on Viagra?
He's a little stiff now.

A friend is someone who will help you move. A GOOD friend is someone who will help you move a dead body.