"Lover of Baked Beans" joke
Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans. He loved them, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him. One day, he met a girl and fell in love.
When it became apparent that they would marry, he thought to himself, "She'll never go through with the marriage with me carrying on like this," so he made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans. Soon after, they were married.
A few months later, on the way home from work, his car broke down and since they lived in the country, he telephoned his wife and told her that he would be late because he had to walk.
On his way home, he passed a small cafe and the wonderful aroma of baked beans completely overwhelmed him. Since he still had several miles to walk, he thought he would walk off any ill effects before he arrived home. So, he went in and ordered three extra large helpings of beans.
He farted all the way home. By the time he arrived home, he felt reasonably safe. His wife met him at the door and seemed somewhat excited. She exclaimed, "Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for you for dinner tonight!"
She then blindfolded him and led him to his chair at the head of the table, making him promise not to peek. At this point he was beginning to feel another fart coming on. Just as his wife was about to remove the blindfold, the phone rang. She again made him promise not to peek until she returned and went to answer the phone.
While she was gone, he seized the opportunity. He shifted his weight to one leg and let it rip. It wasn't only loud, but ripe as a rotten egg. He had a hard time breathing, so he felt for his napkin and fanned the air around him.
He just began to feel better when another urge came on. He raised his leg and riiiippppp. It sounded like a diesel engine revving and smelled even worse. To keep himself from gagging, he tried fanning his arms for a while, hoping the smell would dissipate.
Things had just about returned to normal when he felt another urge coming. He shifted his weight to his other leg and let go. This was a real blue ribbon winner; the windows shook, the dishes on the table rattled and a minute later, the flowers on the table were dead.
While keeping an ear tuned in on the conversation in the hallway, and keeping his promise of not peeking, he carried on like this for the next ten minutes, farting and then fanning the air with his napkin each time. When he heard the phone farewells, indicating the end of his loneliness and freedom, he neatly laid his napkin on his lap and folded his hands on top of it.
Smiling contentedly, he was the picture of innocence when his wife walked in. Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if he had peeked at the dinner table. After assuring her that he hadn't, she removed the blindfold and yelled, "SURPRISE!" To his shock and horror, there were twelve dinner guests seated around the table for his surprise birthday party.
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