"Maybe Baby" joke

Whether pro-choice or pro-life, most people agree that an unexpected pregnancy presents a very serious decision. Here is a short quiz to help you make the right choice:

1. Does the potential father have "Growing Up Gotti" hair?

2. How about a pencil beard?

3. Have you ever taken a cold, hard look at the most despicable aspects of your character, and instead of changing them tried to pretend they were some sort of asset, proudly wearing a shirt that says "Bitch," "Diva," "Stop Snitchin'" or "Blue-Collar Comedy Tour"?

4. If you are white, are you planning to name your baby "Caitlyn," "Connor," "Dillon," "Kayla" or something else that calls to mind the rolling hills of Scotland or Ireland... or some other middle-class cracker bullshit?

5. If you are black, would you name your son something like "Anferny," and then actually have the balls to walk around pretending it's a legitimate name-and not the result of unwillingness to pronounce the "th" sound-out of spite about racism?

6. Have you or the other potential parent ever appeared on any MTV reality show ever made?

7. Do you think you've seen the face of Jesus in something? And/or are you Catholic for more reasons than to make your grandmother happy because she's an ancient, primitive ethnic with a hairy lip that quivers with emotion whenever she comes across a Virgin Mary lawn ornament or velvet painting of "Hay-zoos"?

8. Are you or any of your friends or family Wilmer Valderrama?

Results:
Whew! This is a tough one! If you answered yes to any of these questions, you should have an abortion; but if you answered yes to any of these questions, the complex task of making an appointment at a clinic may be beyond your abilities. Try relaxing in the comfort of your own home, adminstering a steady flow of wood alcohol and blows to the gut while watching a hilarious "Mind of Mencia" episode. If you time it just right, the problem should solve itself by the time Carlos gets to his 60th "Asians can't drive" joke!