"Men Are Just Happier People - Sickening Eh!" joke

Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
You can never be pregnant.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can open all your own jars.
You can play with toys all your life.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
Your underwear is $9. 95 for a three-pack.
You never have strap problems in public.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
You can' do' your nails with a pocket knife.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You! are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
Everything on your face stays its original colour.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.