"Men & Marriage One-Liners 11" joke

What would get your man to put down the toilet seat?
A sex-change operation.

Why were men given larger brains than dogs?
So they wouldn’t hump women’s legs at cocktail parties.

Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
They won’t stop to ask directions!

Then there was a woman who said, “I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and then it was too late. ”

What do you call a man who has lost 99% of his brain?
A widower.

How do some men define Roe vs. Wade?
Two ways to cross a river.

What is gross stupidity?
144 men in one room.

What is a man’s view of safe sex?
A padded headboard.

What do ceramic tile and men have in common?
If you lay them right the first time, you can walk on them for life!

How do you grow your own dope?
Plant a man.

How do you get a man to do sit-ups?
Put the remote control between his toes.

What do you call a man who expects to have sex on the second date?
Slow.

What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common?
They’re married.

Why are men like commercials?
You can’t believe a word they say.

What’s a man’s definition of a romantic evening?
Sex.

What is the only time a man thinks about a candlelight dinner?
When the power goes off.

What do you instantly know about a well-dressed man?
His wife is good at picking out clothes.

Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

There’s a husband who calls his wife an angel. That’s because she’s always flying around the house harping about something.

Did you hear about the baby born with male and female organs?
A penis *and* a brain.

What is that insensitive bit at the base of the penis called?
The man.

Why is a man’s pee yellow and his sperm white?
So he can tell if he is coming or going.