"Ministerial CandidatesThe following is a confident..." joke

Ministerial CandidatesThe following is a confidential report on several candidates being considered for a ministry position.ADAMGood man but problems with his wife. Also one reference told of how he and his wife enjoy walking nude in the woods.JESUSSeldom stays in one place very long. And, of course, he`s single. Has a messiah complex.NOAHProne to unrealistic building projects.ABRAHAMThough the reference reported wife swapping, the facts seem to show he never slept with another man`s wife, but did offer to share his own wife.JOSEPHA big thinker but a braggart. Believes in dream interpreting, and has a prison record. Had been accused of adultery.MOSESA modest and meek man but poor communicator, even stuttering at times. Sometimes blows his stack and acts rashly.JOBComplains a lot.DAVIDThe most promising leader of all until we discovered his affair with his neighbour`s wife. His kids are out of control. Worse yet, he`s a proponent of instrumental music in worship.SOLOMONGreat preacher but our parsonage would never hold all those wives. Good with building projects though. Rather extravagant.ELIJAHProne to depression. Collapses under pressure. Spends too much time in wilderness. Loner. No wife that we know of.SAMSONHair is too long.JONAHRefused God`s call into ministry until he was forced to obey by getting swallowed up by a great fish. He told us the fish later spit him out on the shore near here. Known to pout when things don`t go his way. We hung up.MELCHIZEDEKGreat credentials at current work place, but where does this guy come from? No information on his resume about former work records. Every line about parents was left blank and he refused to supply a birth date.JOHNSays he`s a Baptist but definitely doesn`t dress like one. Has slept outdoors for months on end. Has a weird diet. Provokes denominational leaders. Is too social and political minded. Offends politicians and isknown to lose his head on occasion.PETERToo blue collar. Has a bad temper. Has even been known to curse. Had a big run-in with Paul in Antioch. Aggressive, but a loose cannon. Probably speaks in tongues. Claims to have visions.PAULPowerful CEO type leader and fascinating preacher. However, short on tact, unforgiving with younger ministers, harsh and has been known to preach all night. Controversial on women`s issues. Admits to speaking in tongues. Has recommended young men to drink wine. Little chance that he will ever marry.TIMOTHYToo young.METHUSELAHToo old. WAY too old.JUDASHis references are solid. A steady plodder. Conservative and pragmatic. Good connections. Knows how to handle money. We`re inviting him to preach this Sunday. Possibilities here.

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