"Mistakes" joke
One day when Bill was out for lunch with his friend Jeff, they got into a conversation. Bill said: " I feel really bad about what I did this morning.". "Why?" - asked Jeff. "Well,"- replied Bill - "This morning I went to ask my secretary for to tickets to Pitsburg, but it came out as 'I need two pickets to Titsburg.' and I feel really bad.". "Oh don't feel bad about that." - said Jeff "Last night I took my wife and kids out for dinner... ". "Whats so bad about that?" - asked Bill. "Well... I mean't to ask my wife to pass the salt, but it came out as 'U REWIND MY LIFE YOU STUPID BITCH!'
Q: What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a lightbulb?
A: You can un-screw a lightbulb!
What is the definition of eternity?
Four blondes in four cars at a four way intersection.
Person 1: Knock, Knock
Person 2: Who's there?
Person 1: Cows go.
Person 2: Cows go who?
Person 1: No, silly! Cows go moo!
A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar which reads:
Cheese Sandwich: $1.50
Chicken Sandwich: $2.50
Hand Job: $10.00
Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and beckons to one of the three exceptionally attractive more...