"More Amazingly Real Extracts From American Courtrooms" joke

"Are you married? "
"No, I'm divorced."
"And what did your husband do before you divorced him?"
"A lot of things I didn't know about."

* * *

"Mrs. Jones, is your appearance this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?"
"No. This is how I dress when I go to work."

* * *

"Now, you have investigated other murders, have you not, where there was a victim?"

* * *

"Doctor did you say he was shot in the woods?"
"No, I said he was shot in the lumbar region."

* * *

"Could you see him from where you were standing? "
"I could see his head."
"And where was his head?"
"Just above his shoulders."

* * *

"... any suggestions as to what prevented this from being a murder trial instead of an attempted murder trial?"
"The victim lived."

* * *

"What happened then?"
"He told me, he says, "I have to kill you because you can identify me."
"Did he kill you?"
"No."

* * *

"Can you describe the individual?"
"He was about medium height and had a beard."
"Was this a male, or a female?"

* * *

"Are you sexually active?"
"No, I just lie there."

* * *

"Are you qualified to give a urine sample?"
"Yes, I have been since early childhood."