"Need an Insult Instantly? Then Check Here..." joke

-Your mom is so fat, I rolled over twice and I was still on top of her.
-Your mom is so fat, you need a Thomas Guide to find her asshole.
-Your mom is so fat, when she falls out of bed she falls on both sides.
-Your mom is so fat, when she wears a yellow coat she looks like a school bus.
-Your mom is so fat, she has her own zip code.
-Your mom is so fat, she plays hopscotch like this: California, Nevada, Arizona...
-Your mom is so fat, when her beeper goes off people think she's backing up.
-Your mom is so fat, when she sits around the house, she literally sits around the house.
-Your mom is so fat, when she goes to the beach, people yell out, "Whale Sighting!"
-Your mom is so fat, we get a drought every time she takes a shower.
-Your mom is so fat, she uses hula hoops to hold up her socks.
-Your mom is so fat, every time she walks her butt claps.
-Your mom is so fat, she's on both sides of the family.
-Your mom is so fat, she bungee jumps and goes straight to hell.
-Your mom is so fat, she jumps up in the air and gets stuck.
-Your mom is so fat, she uses the Freeway as a Slip 'n' Slide.
-Your mom is so fat, when she wears white, she looks like the Michelin man.
-Your mom is so fat, when she wears red, she looks like the Kool-Aid man.
-Your mom is so fat, when she wears an "X" helicopters land on her.
-Your mom is so fat, she's still waiting for someone to fill the Grand Canyon so she can take a bath.
-Your mom is so big, she thinks that Niagara Falls is a drinking fountain.
-Your mom is so big, she uses the Statue of Liberty as a tooth pick.
-Your mom is so stupid, it takes her an HOUR to make MINUTE Rice.
-Your mom is so stupid, she got locked up in a bathroom and pissed in her pants.
-Your mom is so stupid, she tried to steal free samples.
-Your mom is so stupid, she returned a doughnut because it had a hole in it.
-Your mom is so stupid, she has no feet and complains her shoes are too tight.
-Your mom is so stupid, she tripped over a cordless phone.
-Your mom is so stupid, she set the VCR for 2 hours to record 60 minutes.
-Your mom is so stupid, she asked me "What does Yield mean?" and I said, "Slow down." And she said, slowly,
"W H A T D O E S Y I E L D M E A N ?"
-Your mom is so old she farts dust.
-Your mom is so old the milk in her tits is expired.
-Your mom is so old, Moses is in her yearbook.
-Your mom is so old, she owes Jesus a quarter.
-Your mom is like a fire hydrant, on every corner.
-Your mom is like a screwdriver, everyone gets a turn.
-Your mom is like a doorknob, everyone gets a Turn.
-Your mom is like a hardware store, 5 cents a bolt, 10 cents a screw.
-Your mom is like a gas station, pump first then pay.
-Your mom is like Burger King, "Your way right away."
-Your mom is like IBM, "Solutions for a small planet."
-Your mom is like Timex, "Takes a lickin' and keeps on tickin' "
-Your mom is like the Eagles Theater, 75 cents on Thursdays.
-Your mom is like 7-Eleven, open 24 hours.
-Your mom is like McDonalds, "Serving Millions."
-Your mom is like Pringles, "Once you pop, you can't stop."
-Your mom is like Taco Bell, "59, 69, 79"
-Your mom is like Dominos, "Hot, Wild, Now."
-Your mom is like a railroad, laid all over the country.
-Your mom is like the Energizer Bunny, keeps going and going and going...
-Your mom is so stingy, she got a job at the 99 cent store
just so she can get a 50% discount.
-Your mom's teeth are so brown, she spits Yoo-hoo.
-Your mom is so fat, when she was a kid she could only play seek.
-Your mom is so old she got a kickstand.
-Your mom's house is so small, she has to go outside to eat a large pizza.
-Your mom's so old she only has two teeth, and they're both in her pocket!
-Your mom's so stupid, she thought a paramedic was two doctors.
-Your mom's old, she has an autographed version of the Bible.
-Your mom's so fat it took five UFOs to abduct her.
-Your mom is so fat she has to wear Levi's 1002s.
-Your mom is so fat, when