"New husband" joke
A lady was married to this brute of a man who always beat and kicked her. On top of all that, when they did have sex, it was no good. So, she decided she was tired of him and got a divorce.
A couple days after the divorce finalized she placed an ad in the paper that read: "WANTED. Husband that won't beat me or kick me. "Good sex a must."
A week or so passed and she finally gets a knock at the door. She goes to answer it only to find a man sitting in a wheel chair. She asks what he wants and he informs her that he will be her new husband.
"Well, you don't have any arms." she notices. "I can't beat you then, can I?" he replies.
"And you don't have any legs!" "SO! That only means I can't kick you."
She pauses for a moment and then asks, "Well what about the sex?" He answers confidently,
"How do you think I knocked on the door."
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