"Once I Had" joke

Once I had multiple personalities, but now we are feeling well.

I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute.

I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.

The best thing about being schizophrenic is that I'm never alone.

Just because you are paranoid doesn't mean people aren't out to get you!

Hypochondria is the only illness that I don't have.

I've always been a hypochondriac. As a little boy, I'd eat my M&M's one by one with a glass of water.