"Other NY Times Retractions" joke

The Top 10 Other Retractions Printed by the NY Times in 1998

10' 'Earlier this year, the Times mistakenly reported that software magnate Bill Gates is a money-hungry, maladapted, socially awkward loser. He is, in fact, a bloodsucking cob-nobbler. The Times regrets the error.''

9' 'We wish to apologize for calling the former Australian Prime minister, Paul Keating, the lowest slime-ball in the country. We meant in THEIR country.''

8' 'Due to a typographical error yesterday, we mistakenly printed the entire Wall Street Journal under our banner. It should have been the Washington Post. Sorry.''

7' 'Okay, so it was a blue dress, not a red skirt. Get off our backs already!''

6' 'Recently, pop singer George Michael was caught masturbating in a public restroom. He was not, as reported in this newspaper, actually choking a chicken.''

5' 'It has come to the attention of the Times that disk jockey Fred LeFebvre of KISS-FM in Toledo was not actually the recipient of a MacArthur' Genius Grant.'''

4' 'Evidently, there are no Klingons on Uranus after all. Sorry for the confusion.''

3' 'Our article describing O.J. Simpson as' slashing out' over the prospect of losing his children contained a regrettable typo...''

2' 'As it turns out, the Banana Republic dictatorship is actually just a clothing store.''

1' 'Miss Lewinsky did not give the President a snow job, as reported in some editions yesterday.''