"Personal Ad Translations" joke

A List of Abbreviations in the "Women Seeking Men" Classifieds.
Code Word: 40-ish
Really Means: 48
Code Word: Adventurous
Really Means: Has had more partners than you ever will
Code Word: Affectionate
Really Means: Possessive
Code Word: Artist
Really Means: Unreliable
Code Word: Athletic
Really Means: Flat chested
Code Word: Average looking
Really Means: Ugly
Code Word: Beautiful
Really Means: Pathological liar
Code Word: Commitment-minded
Really Means: Pick out curtains, now!
Code Word: Communication important
Really Means: Just try to get a word in edge-wise
Code Word: Contagious Smile
Really Means: Bring your penicillin
Code Word: Educated
Really Means: College dropout
Code Word: Emotionally Secure
Really Means: Medicated
Code Word: Employed
Really Means: Has part-time job stuffing envelopes at home
Code Word: Enjoys art and opera
Really Means: Snob
Code Word: Enjoys Nature
Really Means: Bring your own granola
Code Word: Exotic Beauty
Really Means: Would frighten a Martian
Code Word: Feminist
Really Means: Fat; ball buster
Code Word: Financially Secure
Really Means: One paycheck from the street
Code Word: Free spirit
Really Means: Substance user
Code Word: Friendship first
Really Means: Trying to live down reputation as slut
Code Word: Fun
Really Means: Annoying
Code Word: Gentle
Really Means: Comatose
Code Word: Good Listener
Really Means: Borderline Autistic
Code Word: Humorous
Really Means: Caustic
Code Word: Intuitive
Really Means: Your opinion doesn't count
Code Word: In Transition
Really Means: Needs new sugar-daddy to pay the bills
Code Word: Light drinker
Really Means: Lush
Code Word: Looks younger
Really Means: If viewed from far away in bad light
Code Word: Loves Travel
Really Means: If you're paying
Code Word: Loves Animals
Really Means: Cat lady
Code Word: Mature
Really Means: Will not let you treat her like a farm animal in bed,
like last boyfriend did
Code Word: New-Age
Really Means: All body hair, all the time
Code Word: Non-tradional
Really Means: Ex-husband lives in the basement
Code Word: Old-fashioned
Really Means: Lights out, missionary position only
Code Word: Open-minded
Really Means: Desperate
Code Word: Outgoing
Really Means: Loud
Code Word: Passionate
Really Means: Loud
Code Word: Petite
Really Means: Wouldn't stand out in a pack of Munchkins
Code Word: Poet
Really Means: Depressive Schzophrenic
Code Word: Professional
Really Means: Bitch
Code Word: Redhead
Really Means: Shops on the Clairol aisle
Code Word: Reliable
Really Means: Frumpy
Code Word: Reubenesque
Really Means: Grossly Fat
Code Word: Romantic
Really Means: Looks better by candle light
Code Word: Self-employed
Really Means: Jobless
Code Word: Smart
Really Means: Insipid
Code Word: Special
Really Means: Road the short schoolbus
Code Word: Spiritual
Really Means: Involved with a cult
Code Word: Stable
Really Means: Boring
Code Word: Tall, thin
Really Means: Anorexic
Code Word: Tan
Really Means: Wrinkled
Code Word: Voluptuous
Really Means: Very Fat
Code Word: Weight proportional to height
Really Means: Hugely Fat
Code Word: Wants Soulmate
Really Means: One step away from stalking
Code Word: Widow
Really Means: Nagged first husband to death
Code Word: Writer
Really Means: Pompous
Code Word: Young at heart
Really Means: Old Toothless Fogie