"Personal ads probably never answered" joke

SWM: Roommate needed for six bedroom northside condo. $800/month plus 1/2 utilities. Must enjoy garlic, taxidermy & clock repair.
SWF: Seeks any M, age 16-52, for immediate marriage. Willing to beg. Call 24/hours, 7/days 1-800-I'm-4you.
SWM: 39, enjoys assault rifles, heavy drinking, and testosterone. Seeks like-minded SF, W only, to listen to political conspiracy theories and help stock secluded mountain shelter. Don't bother to write, I already know where you live.
SWF: 25, enjoys poetry recitals, interpretive dance, herb tea, New Age music, communing with Galian nature spirits, and Jello sculpting. Seeks aloof, analytic whimp.
SWM: 59, wide range of interests including Star Trek, Battlestar Galactica, Power Rangers, and Sea Quest. ISO compatible F.
SM: Seeking an adventurous SF interested in underwater bondage with or w/o scuba gear and albino livestock breeding. No weirdos please.
SBM: Vegetarian Truck-driving Republican juggler wishes to meet woman of similar interests; must be ambidextrous.
DWF: Crazy ppl Need Love Too. If you enjoy destroying good furniture, police lineups and locking your friends in closets, we already have three things in common! Let's get together.
DM: Physician, 35 - Desires to meet that special woman with real inner beauty. Send X-rays.
DWM: Compulsive Liar - Seeks beautiful woman to share my million dollar chateau on the French Riviera. Visa Gold Card a must. Private plane a plus.
SWM: 32, my life's work is verifying, in detail, all the episodes shown on "The X-Files". ISO SWF with like dedication. Must be willing to travel a lot.