"Phrases (strong language)" joke

Phrases you just never hear, and their more common counterparts:
Why notIf there is
fully bakedhalf baked
entirely cockedhalf cocked
completely assedhalf assed
semi-fledgedfull-fledged
partial tiltfull-tilt
partially-outall-out
sensible slaughtersenseless slaughter
lock and stocklock, stock, and barrel
bullpiss, cowshitbullshit
vestal slutsvestal virgins
man-o-peaceman-o-war
chock emptychock full
reckful [careful]reckless [careless]
buns down [dead]tits up [dead]
stale and deterioratednew & improved
flat inflat out
run of the latherun of the mill
ept [competent]inept
hexagoned away, circled away, etc.squared away
right offright on
dozen outgross out
cockstrong and headsureheadstrong and cocksure
gruntled [content]disgruntled
mayeddismayed
cruitedrecruited
cute as a zipper, or Velcrocute as a button
coming, coming, HERE! going, going, GONE!