"Please Tell Me" joke

Please tell me how to obey these signs:
All Night Dance Club; NO MUSIC ALLOWED
Public Stairway; Please do not climb on stairs
Country Road; NO PEDESTRIANS OR AUTOMOBILES
A room in a touch-an-feel musem; Do not touch
A seminar for the deaf; Please listen to others
Local bookstore; Feel free to read books in this section, however do not read them in this store
A local carpet store completely covered in rugs; Come in! Please do not step on rugs
And please tell me who wrote these signs.

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