"Praying in the Chapel" joke
Michelangelo is painting the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel when he sees an old woman praying the rosary. He decides to take a break and lies back on the scaffolding so the woman can't see him and says in a loud voice, "I am Jesus Christ. Listen to me and I will perform miracles."
The old woman is intent on her beads and does not look up.
Michelangelo figures that she is hard of hearing, so he shouts, "I am Jesus Christ! Listen to me and I will perform miracles!"
With head bent, the woman continues praying so Michelangelo shouts, "I AM JESUS CHRIST! LISTEN TO ME!"
The old woman yells back, "Would you shut up? I'm talking to your mother."
Q: What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a lightbulb?
A: You can un-screw a lightbulb!
What is the definition of eternity?
Four blondes in four cars at a four way intersection.
Person 1: Knock, Knock
Person 2: Who's there?
Person 1: Cows go.
Person 2: Cows go who?
Person 1: No, silly! Cows go moo!
1. Stick your palm open under the stall wall and ask your neighbor, "May I borrow a highlighter?"2. Say "Uh oh, I knew I shouldn't put my lips on that." 3. Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence with a bodily function noise.4. Say, more...