"Proper care of floppies" joke

Never leave diskettes in the disk drive, as data can leak out of the disk and corrode the inner mechanics of the drive. Diskettes should be rolled up and stored in pencil holders.
Disketts should be cleaned and waxed once a week. Microscopic metal particles can be removed by waving a powerful magnet over the surface of the disk. Any stubborn metallic shaving can be removed with scouring powder and soap. When waxing the diskette, make sure the surface is even. This will allow the disk to spin faster, resulting in better access time.
Do not fold diskette unless they do not fit into the drive. "Big" diskettes may be folded and used in "little" disk drives.
Diskette cannot be backed up by running them through the Xerox machine. If you need to back up your data, simply insert two diskettes into the drive. Whenever you update a document, the data will be written on both diskettes.
Never insert a diskette into a drive upside down. The data can fall off the surface of the disk and jam the intricate mechanics of the drive.
Diskettes should not be inserted or removed from the drive while the red light is flashing. Doing so could result in smearing or possibly unreadable text. Occasionally the red light remains flashing in what is known as a "hung" or hooked" state. If your system is "hooking" you will probably need to insert a few coins before being allowed access to the slot.
If your diskette is full and you need more storage space, remove the disk from the drive and shake vigorously for two minutes. This will pack the data enough (Data Compression) to allow for more storage. Be sure to cover all the openings with scotch tape to prevent loss of data.
Data access time can be greatly improved by cutting more holes in the dishette jacket. This will provide more simultaneous access points to the disk.
Diskette may be used as coasters for beverage glasses, provided that they are properly waxed beforehand. Be sure to wipe the diskette dry before using.
Never use scissors or glue to manual edit documents. The data stored is much too small for the naked eye, and you may end up with data from some other document stuck in the middle of your document. Razor blades and scotch tape may be used provided the user is equipped with an electron microscope.
Periodically spray diskette with insecticide to prevent viruses from spreading.