"Reasons Why It's Good To Be A Man!" joke

--Your last name stays put.
--The garage is all yours.
--Wedding plans take care of themselves.
--Chocolate is just another snack.
--You can be president.
--You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
--Car mechanics tell you the truth.
--You couldn't care less if someone notices your new haircut.
--You never drive to another gas station' cause this one's just too "yucky".
--Same work... more pay.
--Wrinkles add character.
--Wedding Dress $5,000; Tux rental $100.
--The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
--New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
--Your pals are trusted to never trap you with: "So, notice anything different?"
--One mood, ALL the time.
--Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
--You know stuff about tanks.
--A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
--You can open all your own jars.
--Dry cleaners and hair stylists don't rob you blind.
--You can leave the motel bed unmade.
--You can kill your own food.
--You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
--If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she remains your friend.
--Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
--Everything on your face stays its original color.
--You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.
--You don't have to clean your apartment if the maid is coming.
--You can quietly watch a game with a buddy for hours without thinking:
"He must be mad at me."
--You don't mooch off others' desserts.
--You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.
--You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.
--You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
--You almost never have strap problems in public.
--You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
--The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
--You don't have to shave below your neck.
--Your belly usually hides your big hips.
--One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
--You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife.
--You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
--You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24th, in 45 minutes.