"Redneck 2005 Edition" joke

You Know You're a Redneck When... (2005 Edition)

1. You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.

2. You can entertain yourself for more than an hour with a flyswatter.

3. Your property has been mistaken for a recycling center.

4. Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.

5. You burn your yard rather than mow it.

6. You offer someone the shirt off your back and they don't want it.

7. Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV.

8. You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.

9. You come back from the dump with more than you took.

10. You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.

11. Your grandmother has "ammo" on her Christmas wish list.

12. You think a subdivision is part of a math problem.

13. You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.

14. Your kids take a siphon hose to show and tell.

15. You think a hot tub is a stolen indoor plumbing fixture.

16. You took a fishing pole to Sea World.

17. You go to the stock car races and don't need a program.

18. You have a rag for a gas cap.

19. Your father executes the "Pull my finger" trick during Christmas dinner.

20. You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.

21. You can spit without opening your mouth.

22. Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

23. You sit on your roof at Christmas time hoping to fill your deer quota.

24. You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say Cool Whip on the side.

25. You've used your ironing board as a buffet table.

26. You think a quarter horse is that ride in front of K-Mart.

27. You've used a toilet brush as a back scratcher.

28. You missed 5th grade graduation because you had jury duty.

29. You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65 mph.

30. Somebody tells you that you've got something in your teeth and you take them out to see what it is.