"Redneck Letter From Home" joke
Dear son,
I'm writing this letter slow cause i know you can't read fast.
We don't live where we did when you left. Your dad read in the paper where most accidents happen within 20 miles of home, so we moved. This place has a washing machine. The first day I put your shirts in it, I pulled the chain, and haven't seen them since.
It only rained twice this week. Three days the first time and four days the second time.
The coat you wanted me to send you? Your Aunt Maybelle said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with them big heavy buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.
We got a bill from the funeral home saying that if we don't make the last payment on grandma's funeral bill, up she comes.
Your Uncle Luke fell in to the whiskey vat. Some men tried to pull him out but he fought them off bravely so he could drown. He burned for 3 days after we cremated him.
Three of your friends went off the bridge in a pickup, Arlo was driving and Joe Bob and Elmo were in the back. Arlo got out. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. The other two drowned, they could not get the tail-gate down.
Not much more news at this time. Nothing much has happened. Write more later.
Love, Mom
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