"Resumania" joke

Keep this in mind when updating your resume. "Resumania" is a term coined by Mr. Robert Half, founder of RHI Consulting's parent company, to describe the unintentional bloopers that often appear on job candidates' resumes, job applications and cover letters. Here's some examples:

* "I perform my job with effortless efficiency, effectiveness, efficacy, and expertise." (And an eye on the "e" section of the dictionary, evidently.)

* "Insufficient writing skills, thought processes have slowed down some. If I am not one of the best, I will look for another opportunity." (No problem. ..)

* "Seek challenges that test my mind and body, since the two are usually inseparable." (Glad to hear it.)

* "My compensation should be at least equal to my age."
(And bonuses "tied to" his shoe size?)

* "I am very detail-oreinted."
(With the possible exception of spelling)

* "I can play well with others."
(We'll be sure to tell your mommy.)

* "Married, eight children. Prefer frequent travel."
(A new twist on work-family balance.)

* "Objection: To utilize my skills in sales."
(Have you considered law school?)

* "My salary requirement is $34 per year."
(They say money isn't everything.)

* "Served as assistant sore manager."
(Ouch.)

* "Previous experience: Self-employed - a fiasco."
(Definitely to the point.)

* "I vow to fulfill the goals of the company as long as I live."
(And they say loyalty is hard to come by.)

* "Reason for leaving last job: Pushed aside so the vice president's girlfriend could steal my job."
(We're glad you're not bitter.)