"Rules For Living" joke

Love means never having to say, "Does that twenty include the spanking?"

To truly love another, you must first love yourself. And it wouldn't kill you to wash your hands in between either.

We cannot see the future. We cannot change the past. We can only live in the now, with an eye towards gaining enough power in the future to wreck revenge on everyone who ever screwed us in the past.

If Life hands you lemons today, smile and give thanks. Then when Life isn't looking, give him a quick knee to the groin. That'll learn him.

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