"Signs that you are drinking too much" joke

- You lose arguments with inanimate objects
-Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream.
-Your career won't progress beyond senator from Massachusetts.
-You sincerely belive alcohol to be the elusive fifth food group
-That damned pink elephant followed you home again
-The parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar
-Every woman you see has an exact twin
-You discover in the morning that you liquid cleaning supplies have mysteriously disappeared.
-Five beers have just as many calories as a burger, so you skip dinner
-The glass keeps missing your mouth.
-When you go to donate blood, they ask what proof it is
-Mosquitoes and vampires catch a buzz after bitting you
-You believe your only drinking problem is not having a drink right now.
-Your idea of cutting back is less seltzer
-You wake up in the bedroom still clothed, but your underwear is in the bathroom
-Even rednecks have stopped doing jokes about your drinking