"Signs you've almost had enough to drink" joke

- You lose arguments with inanimate objects.

- You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth.

- Job interfering with your drinking.

- Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream.

- Career won't progress beyond Senator from Massachusetts.

- The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat.

- Sincerely believe alcohol to be the elusive 5th food group.

- Two hands and just one mouth... - now THAT'S a drinking problem!

- You can focus better with one eye closed.

- The parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar.

- You fall off the floor...

- Your twin sons are named Barley and Hops.

- Hey, 5 beers has just as many calories as a burger, screw dinner!

- Mosquitoes catch a buzz after attacking you

- At AA meetings you begin:' 'Hi, my name is... uh.

- Your idea of cutting back is less salt.

- You wake up in the bedroom, your underwear is in the bathroom, you fell asleep clothed. - hmm.

- The whole bar says' Hi' when you come in...

- You think the Four Basic Food Groups are Caffeine, Nicotine, Alcohol, and Women/Men.

- Every night you're beginning to find your roommate's cat more and more attractive.

- Roseanne looks good.

- Don't recognize wife unless seen through bottom of glass.

- That damned pink elephant followed me home again.

- Senators Kennedy and Packwood shake their heads when they walk past you.

- I'm as jober as a sudge.

- The shrubbery's drunk from too frequent watering.

- You wake up screaming' 'TORO, TORO, TORO!'' in the middle of the night.