"Some cute want-ads!" joke

The following were actually taken from classified ads in newspapers:
1 MAN, 7 WOMAN HOT TUB - $850/offer
COWS, CALVES NEVER BRED...
ALSO 1 GAY BULL FOR SALE.
FREE PUPPIES:
PART COCKER SPANIEL -
PART SNEAKY NEIGHBOR'S DOG
GERMAN SHEPHERD 85 lbs.
NEUTERED. SPEAKS GERMAN. FREE.
FULL SIZED MATTRESS.
20 YR. WARRANTY.
LIKE NEW. SLIGHT URINE SMELL.
BILL'S SEPTIC CLEANING
"WE HAUL AMERICAN MADE PRODUCTS"
FOUND: DIRTY WHITE DOG.
LOOKS LIKE A RAT...
BEEN OUT AWHILE..
BETTER BE REWARD.
GEORGIA PEACHES
- CALIFORNIA GROWN -
89 cents lb.
JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
MUST SELL WASHER & DRYER $300.
COMMUNITY HEADLINE:
ALZHEIMER'S CENTER PREPARES
FOR AN AFFAIR TO REMEMBER!
GROUND BEAST: 99 cents lb.