"Some more things to ponder" joke

1. If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

2. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zig-zag.

3. Why are they called buildings, when they're already finished? Shouldn't they be called builts?

4. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

5. Think "honk" if you're telepathic.

6. Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.

7. If a person with multiple personalitis theatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?

8. If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?

9. Whatever happened to preparations A through G?

10. If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?

11. I went for a walk last night and my kids asked me how long I'd be gone. I said, "The whole time."

12. So what's the speed of dark?

13. After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting OUT of the water?

14. How come you don't ever hear about gruntled employees? And who has been dissing them anyhow?

15. Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food?

16. If you're sending someone some Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?

17. I just got skylights put in my place. The people who live above me are furious.

18. Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?

19. Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?

21. Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?

22. Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?

23. Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?

24. How come abbreviated is such a long word?

25. If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?

26. Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery is dead?