"Some quotes" joke

Dear Readers: If You can use a few good laughs today, try these quotes:
"Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe."
- Jackie Mason
"Your manuscript is both good and original. But the part that is good is not original, and the part that is original is not good."
- Samuel Johnson
"A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished."
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
"A critic is a man who knows the way, but can't drive the car."
- Kenneth Tynan
"France is a country where the money falls apart but you can't tear the toilet paper."
- Billy Wilder
The above quotes are from the book "The Other 637 Best Things Anybody Ever
Said" by Robert Byrne (published by Atheneum). It's $10.95, and worth every cent.
Found on the seal of a bag of bagels: NEW IMPROVED / Made the old fashioned way
From Harper's Magazine: "Amount of pizza eaten each day in U.S. (acres): 75"
On a story about the discovery of a 20-million-year-old bear-dog den: "Den of Antiquity Uncovered"