"Telltale Signs That You're A New Dad" joke
Getting six hours of sleep is a privilege.
The sentence, "Honey, could you take his foot out of my pocket?" sounds
normal.
You are used to doing everything one-handed.
The thought of your mother-in-law coming over for a few hours is a
pleasant one.
The list of bodily fluids that disgust you has shortened, possibly to
zero.
Your idea of romance is hand-holding.
You answer the question "How are you?" with "We're fine."
You decide whether a shirt is wearable not based on sweatiness, but
based on how well the spit-up stains match the shirt's main color.
You see a slender teenage girl walking down your street, and you think,
"Hey, I wonder if I could interest her in... babysitting?"
A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween Party. She got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed, and there was no need of his good more...
A dumb blonde was really tired of being made fun of, so she decided to have her hair she would look like a brunette. When she had brown hair, she decided to take a drive in the country.
After she had been driving for a while, she saw a farmer and a flock of sheep and more...
Person 1: Knock, Knock
Person 2: Who's there?
Person 1: Cows go.
Person 2: Cows go who?
Person 1: No, silly! Cows go moo!
A cat and a mouse died and went to Heaven on the same day. Shortly after arriving, God met the mouse and asked, "How do you like it here so far?"
"It's wonderful," replied the mouse, "but it would be even better if I could have a pair of roller more...