"Ten most-asked questions" joke

Ten most stupid questions people usually ask in obvious situations and some matching replies.
At the movies:When you meet acquaintances/friends...
Q: Hey, what are you doing here?
A: Well, it's so hot, there were no cool cabs so I thought I'd watch some advertisements in the cool comfort of the theatre.
In the bus: A fat girl wearing pointed high-heeled shoes steps on your feet...
Q: Sorry, did that hurt?
A: No, not at all, I'm on local anesthesia... Why don't you try again or should I try this time?
At a funeral: One of the teary-eyed people ask...
Q: Why, why him, of all people?
A: Why? Would it rather have been you?
At a restaurant:When you ask the waiter...
Q: Is the "blah blah blah" dish good?
A: No, its teribble and made of adulterated cement. We occasionally also spit into it...
At a family get-together.When some distant aunt meets you after years...
Q: Munna, Chickoo, you've become so big...
A: Well you haven't particularly shrunk yourself.
When a friend announces her wedding, and you ask...
Q: Is the guy you're marrying good?
A: No, he's a miserable wife-beating, insensitive clout... it's just the money.
When you get woken up at midnight by a phone call...
Q: Sorry. were you sleeping.
A: No. I was playing cricket for India at Sharjah and just when you called Salim Malik was betting with me that Pakistan would win. What do you think?
When you see a friend/colleague with evidently shorter hair...
Q: Hey have you had a haircut?
A: No, its autumn and I'm shedding...
At the dentist when he's sticking pointed objects in your mouth...
Q: Tell me if it hurts?
A: And while I'm telling you, you tell me if I bite.
You are smoking a cigarette and a cute woman asks...
Q: Oh, so you smoke!
A: No, it's a miracle... it was a chalk and now it's in flames!!!