"The Male`s Mind" joke

10 Things Women Will Simply Never Understand
Men are a misunderstood lot, which all in all is
probably for the best. Women are better off not knowing
that we eat with our hands the minute they leave the
room or that we use their nail clippers to trim our
nose hair.
Better for them, better for us. Still, it`s annoying
that women spend more time and money trying to
understand the minds of cats than they do wondering
about what makes men tick. Which is why they`ll
never understand...
1. Our consuming need to own the biggest and most
expensive version of just about everything.
Our compulsive desire to drive off-road vehicles in
cities and use corkscrews that resemble off-shore
drilling equipment is well-documented.
As marketing targets, men are suckers for terms like
"professional"or "industrial strength", because inside
every man is the germ of every profession he ever
imagined himself one day excelling at.
Most of these purchases are harmless, little more than
childish wish-fulfilment played out at a higher
testorerone level. But occasionally we go too far.

The guy upstairs from me once boasted that he had a
filter which filled his flat with
"operating theatre-quality air".
I kept him away from my surgical-steel steak knives.
2. Why we are so bad at shopping.
We`ve never been trained to do it the right way.
Supermarkets are like giant booby traps for males
- which is why if you send a man out to but eggs,
sugar and bread you should not be surprised if he
returns home with a case of wine,
a pair of jeans and a tree.
3. The reason why we don`t like to discuss
- The Relationship.
Most of us will find any excuse to dodge those
conversations that start with questions like
"Are you really happy?" and
"Where do you see us going?"
A relationship is a delicate thing, like an antique
clock, and we know what will happen if we start picking
it apart. Often our reticence will result in a lengthy
conversation about why we have trouble talking about

The Relationship.
4. Why we think we can fix things.
Almost all men believe they can repair virtually
anything with a little patience.
In reality, we`re only half right.
Men are extremely good at taking things apart:
whether it`s a dishwasher or an antique clock,
a man can break it down to its most basic components
in no time. Unfortunately, this is where our expertise
usually leaves off, and we`re mostly satisfied with
leaving bits and pieces spread all over newspaper
on the kitchen table.
5. Men and video games.
Women cannot understand how grown men can waste huge
chunks of their lives zapping things off a screen.
When a man repeatedly rings his girlfriend to say he
has to work late and routinely comes home at two in
the morning all glassy-eyed, she will usually take
this as evidence of an affair - when it`s more likely
that a pirated copy of Streetfighter II is making
the rounds at the office.
6. That sometimes we really are ill.
When men get ill, women are generally united in their
belief that we are faking it. This is based on a tired
old axiom stating that men will never fully understand
the agony of childbirth so deserve no sympathy regarding
matters of pain, fear or incapacitation. For the record,
it should be noted that all men are in a constant state
feeling slightly under the weather just from being men.
It`s only a misplaced sense of machismo that forces us
from our beds every day to go into work and then down to
the pub for a couple of schooners of the only thing that
ever makes us feel any better.
7. The way we watch television.
Men don`t just watch the TV, they plug right in.
Once we`re on the right wavelength, we can watch almost
anything, including commercials, with a slack-jawed
intensity which probably drives you crazy. Unfortunately
for women, men cannot achieve this higher state without
a firm grasp on the remote.
8. Our sense of humour.
When women say that what they most want from a man is
a sense of humour, they tend to mean something different
from what we mean. Women never understand the comic
genius of your mate who makes beer come out of his nose.
9. Why we`re so boring.
Male conversation ge