"The ABCs Of Aging" joke

A is for apple, and B is for Boat,

that used to be right, but now it won't float.

Age before attractiveness is what we once said,

but let's be a spot more realistic instead.

Now, A's for arthritis; B's the bad back,

C is for chest pains, perhaps cardiac.

D is for dental decay and decline;

E is for eyesight, can't understand that top line.

F is for fissures and fluid retention,

G is for gas, which I'd slightly not mention.

H is high blood pressure--I'd rather it low;

I for incisions with scars you can show.

J is for joints, out of socket, won't mend.

K is for knees that fracture when they bend.

L for libido, what happened to sex?

M is for memory, I forget! What comes next?

N is neuralgia, in nerves way down low;

O is for osteo, the bones that don't grow!

P for prescriptions, I have quite a few,

Just give me a tablet and I'll be good as new.

Q is for queasy, is it fatal or flu?

R for reflux, one meal turns to two.

S for sleepless nights, counting my fears.

T for tinnitus; there's bells in my ears.

U is for urinary; big difficulty with flow;

V is for vertigo, that's "dizzy" you know.

W is for worry, NOW what's going round?

X is for X-ray, and what might be found.

Y is another year I'm missing here behind,

Z is for zest that I still have--in my mind.

I've survived all the symptoms, my body's deployed,

And I've kept twenty-six doctors completely employed!