"The Best Headlines of 2000" joke

1. Include Your Children When Baking Cookies2. Something Went Wrong In Jet Crash, Expert Says3. Police Begin Campaign To Run Down Jaywalkers4. Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted5. Drunk Gets Nine Months In Violin Case6. Survivor Of Siamese Twins Joins Parents7. Iraqi Head Seeks Arms8. Prostitutes Appeal To Pope9. Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over10. British Left Waffles On Falkland Islands11. Lung Cancer In Women Mushrooms12. Eye Drops Off Shelf13. Teachers Strike Idle Kids14. Clinton Wins On Budget, But More Lies Ahead15. Enraged Cow Injures Farmer With Axe16. Plane Too Close To Ground, Crash Probe Told17. Miners Refuse To Work After Death18. Juvenile Court To Try Shooting Defendant19. Stolen Painting Found By Tree20. Two Sisters Reunited After 18 Years In Checkout Counter21. Killer Sentenced To Die For Second Time In 10 Years22. Never Withhold Herpes Infection From Loved One23. War Dims Hope For Peace24. If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last A While25. Cold Wave Linked To Temperatures26. Deer Kill 17,00027. Enfields Couple Slain, Police Suspect Homicide28. Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge29. Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead30. Man Struck By Lightening Faces Battery Charge31. New Study Of Obesity Looks For Larger Test Group32. Astronaut Takes Blame For Gas In Spacecraft33. Kids Make Nutritious Snacks34. Chef Throws His Heart In Helping Feed Needy35. Arson Suspect Held In Massachusetts Fire36. Ban On Soliciting Dead In Trotwood37. Local High School Dropout Cuts In Half38. New Vaccine May Contain Rabies39. Hospitals Are Sued By 7 Foot Doctors

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