"The Dieter''s guide to weight loss during sex" joke

THE DIETER'S GUIDE TO WEIGHT LOSS DURING SEX
ACTIVITY CALORIES BURNED ACTIVITY CALORIES BURNED
REMOVING CLOTHES: ORGASMIC INTENSITY SCALE:
With partner's consent... 12 Shoes flew off... 35
Without partner's consent.187 Expression didn't change....1/2
Orchestra swelled... 6
UNHOOKING BRA: Birds sang
Using two calm hands... 7 Large birds... 7
Using one trembling hand...36 Small birds... 3
Earth moved... 30
Lifting partner... 15 PULLING OUT:
Dragging partner on floor..16 After orgasm... 1/2
Using skateboard... 3 A few moments before orgasm.500
ACHIEVING ERECTIONS: PENIS ENVY:
For normal healthy man....2.5 For woman... 3
Losing erection... 14 For men... 72
Searching for it... 115
GUILT:
PUTTING ON CONDOM: Despite no formal training,
With erection... 1.5 orgasm comes easily... 53
Without erection... 300 You're enjoying sex, despite the
fact that other people are
INSERTING DIAPHRAGM: starving... 2
If the woman who does it is Sex on your lunch hour... 3
Experienced... 6 Putting it on expense account..
Inexperienced... 73 20
If a man does it... 680 AGGRAVATION:
Add (5) calories for retrieving Partner keeps showing plants..5
it from across the room. Partner insists on cuddling the
dog during foreplay... 14
ACCORDING TO NATIONALITY: Partner visiting bathroom for
Italian- Man on top, woman in 7th time... 10
kitchen... 26 Partner taking phone calls....7
Russian- Woman on bottom, Partner making phone calls...40
Man getting permission... 55
American- Both on top... 60 GETTING CAUGHT:
By partner's spouse... 60
SIDE EFFECTS INTERCOURSE: By your spouse... 100
Bouncing... 7 Trying to explain... 55
Sliding around... 9 Trying to remain calm... 100
Serious skidding... 12 Leaping out of bed... 75
Whiplash... 27 Getting dressed in one motion
500
Thanking partner quickly... 2
ORGASM:
Real... 27
Faked... 160