"The Perfect Day According to HER" joke

8:45 Wake up to hugs and kisses
9:00 5lbs lighter on the scale
9:30 Light Breakfast
11:00 Sunbathe
12:30 Lunch with best friend at outdoor cafe
1:45 Shopping
2:30 Run into boyfriend's/husband's ex - notice she's gained 30 lbs
3:00 Facial, massage, nap
7:30 Candlelight dinner for two and dancing 10:00 Make love
11:30 Pillow talk in his big strong arms