"The Top 15 Complaints of Modern Day Vampires" joke

15> Grunge look makes it tough to tell living from the undead.
14> Nutrasweet or not, fat-free blood tastes like crap.
13> Hard to get a decent puncture with latex on your fangs.
12> Three Words: Daylight Savings Time
11> Can't enjoy a meal at Burger King without some redneck
yelling, "Look Ma! It's Elvis!"
10> After 45 years of Communist rule, it's impossible to find
clean, uncontaminated Transylvanian soil for bottom of coffin.
9> After 100 years of trying, still can't score with Elvira.
8> No bat is safe with Ozzy Ozbourne around.
7> With all those crucifix-wearing Madonna clones, junior highs
are suddenly off-limits.
6> No warm blood for miles around DC.
5> Exhausted from all those Calvin Klein photo shoots.
4> No small task beating F. Lee Bailey to a warm body.
3> Buxom wenches of old have been replaced by aerobicized
"hardbodies."
2> Baboon heart makes everything taste gamey.
and the Number 1 Complaint of Modern Day Vampires...
1> Sick and tired of being mistaken for Keith Richards.