"The dictionary of Pregnancy / Labor" joke

Pregnancy humor which I lifted from Joyce Armor's 1989 book The Dictionary According to Mommy.
afterpainsa chance to relive the highlights of your labor.
amnesiathe condition that enables a woman who has gone through labor to have sex again.
anestheticthe painkiller that crazy women refuse during labor.
bladderthe only part of Mommy that Baby flattens like a pancake during the last few weeks of pregnancy.
constipationNature's way of making pregnant women practice pushing.
due-datewhat only seems light-years away.
eating for twoa nice way to say "pigging out."
false laborall stressed up and nowhere to go.
forcepsgiant baby tweezers.
hard labora redundancy, like "working mother."
hospitalthe last place Mommy will get to rest until the next time she gives birth.
impregnablea woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.
labor coachthe person who reminds you to breathe during labor.
misconceptiona pregnancy that begins while using birth control.
modestywhat women in labor soon get over.
morning sicknessan opportunity to see if the inside of your toilet bowl is really clean.
natural gasyet another nagging symptom of pregnancy.
paradoxtwo obstetricians.
poetic justicewhen your friend who had a pleasant pregnancy and easy delibery has a colicky baby.
preconceiveto get pregnant before you intended to.
ultrasoundthe noise a crying baby makes.
unconscioushow you'd like to be throughout your next pregnancy.
uterusthe tiny organ that stretches during pregnancy to the size of the Superdome.