"Things Dogs Must Try To Remember" joke
I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff.I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.I will not roll my toys behind the fridge. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the house. I will not eat the cats' food, before or after they eat it.I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in the house when I am about to throw up.I will not throw up in the car. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc. "Kitty box crunchies" are not food.I will not eat any more socks and then redeposit them in the backyard after processing.The diaper pail is not a cookie jar. I will not wake Mommy up with my cold, wet nose on her bottom. I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them.When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it's raining outside.We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear one on TV. I will not steal my Mom's underwear and dance all over the back yard with it. The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mom & Dad's laps. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's license and car registration.
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