"Things To Ponder" joke

A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in
deep water.
How come it takes so little time for a child who is
afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to
stay out all night?
Business conventions are important because they
demonstrate how many people a company can operate
without.
Why is it that at class reunions you feel younger than
everyone else looks?
Scratch a dog and you'll find a permanent job.
No one has more driving ambition than the boy who
wants to buy a car.
There are no new sins....the old ones just get more
publicity.
There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong
number at 4 AM. It could be a right number.
Think about this..., No one ever says "It's only a
game" when his team is winning.
Money will buy a fine dog, but only kindness will make
him wag his tail.
The nicest thing about the future is that it always
starts tomorrow.
If you don't have a sense of humor, you probably don't
have any sense at all.
Seat belts are not as confining as wheelchairs.
I've reached the age where the happy hour is a nap.
Be careful reading the fine print. There's no way
you're going to like it.
The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody
has the same size bucket.
Do you realize that in about 40 years, we'll have
thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos?
Money can't buy happiness - but somehow it's more
comfortable to cry in a Corvette than in a Yugo.