"Things You Don't Want to Overhear Over an Airline P.A. System" joke

Things You Don't Want to Overhear Over an Airline P.A. System
1. Ocean crossing flight: This is your Captain speaking, I just wanted to take this time to remind you that your seat cushions can be used as floatation devices.
2. Hey folks, were going to play a little game of geography trivia. If you can recognize where we are, tell your flight attendant and receive an extra pack of peanuts.
3. Our loss of altitude allows a unique close up perspective of the local terrain. I assure you that it's all part of our airlines new commitment to make your a flight a sight seeing extravaganza.
4. Goose! Bogey at 2 o'clock....one on our tail!!! Eject!!! Eject!!!
5. ummmmmm....Sorry... (silence)
6. (As the plane turns around right after takeoff)....uhhhhh....we have to go back... we..we....uhhhhhh....forgot something...
7. I'm sure everyones noticed the loss of an engine, however the
reduction in weight and drag will mean we'll be flying much more
efficiently now. (Ironic note: this is actually true for prop aircraft!)
8. Fasten your seatbelt. (same tone your friend with the suicidal
driving tendencies uses when you get in the car)
9. This is your Captain speaking....these dang planes are a lot different than the ships I'm used to..so you'll have to give me some leeway...
10. It would be a good idea if right now everyone closed their shades and watched the inflight movie.
11. We've now reached our cruising altitude of 20,000 feet and OH
NO!..
12. Don't worry that one is always on E...
13. Get the parachutes ready...
14. Drinks are on me... or I'll have what the Captain's having.