"Things You Need To Know" joke
If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid seeing yourself in the mirror, because that will REALLY throw you into a panic.
If you go flying back through time and you see somebody else flying forward into the future, always avoid eye contact.
Don't drink and think because if you ever reach total enlightenment while you're drinking a beer, beer will probably shoot out your nose.
Sometimes you have to march right in and demand your rights, even if you don't know what your rights are, or who the person is you're talking to. Then on the way out, slam the door.
Life is an endless struggle, full of frustrations and challenges, but eventually you find a hair stylist you like.
The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing in the right place, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.
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