"Time to Retire when…" joke

You’ve seen many of your friends retire, so now you’re wondering, “Is it time for me to take retirement? ” Well, let us help you. Here are the signs you should watch for:
Have the beautiful young ladies in the office begun to confide in you?
Have you had to play Santa Claus at the last five office Christmas parties?
Does the guard at the front desk greet you each morning with, “Hello, Pops! ”
Are you the only one at the coffee dispenser who actually was some where when JFK was shot?
Do you get invited out to lunch with the young salesmen because you’re the only one with a full-size car?
Instead of mints and TicTacs, is your desk drawer full of Tums and Metamucil?
Do you find staff meetings are the best time to catch up on your sleep?
Besides the custodian, are you the only one who has keys to every door in the building?
Nowadays, when someone needs help with a heavy box, is it you?
Are you the only one in the office who wears a bow-tie to work?
On your cubicle walls, are there pictures of Doris Day and The Beatles.
When your cohorts say they enjoy Smashing Pumpkins, do you tell them not to get arrested for vandalism?
Does your Camry look out of place next to all the trucks, SUVs and Harleys in the parking lot?
Do you know the state capitals of all fifty states?
When you’re walking through the parking lot, do you see recent college grads circling overhead?