"Tips for older lovemakers" joke

Put bifocals on. Double check that you're with the right partner.
Set alarm on your clock for 2 minutes... in case you doze off in the middle.
Set the mood with lighting. Turn 'em ALL OFF!
Make sure you put 911 on your speed dial before you begin... just in case!
Write partner's name on your hand in case you can't remember what to scream out at the end.