"Top 10 Elf Pet Peeves" joke

10. After too much eggnog, Mrs. Claus is "all hands."
9. Ever since they hit the big time, those damn Keebler Elves act like we don't exist.
8. Santa keeps asking, "Does this suit make me look fat?"
7. That idiot Blitzen always mistaking you for a chew toy.
6. You're enjoying the Jacuzzi, and Santa gets in naked.
5. Now have to work through coffee breaks thanks to the McCaughey septuplets.
4. It's at least a thousand miles from North Pole to nearest strip club.
3. Next to "race" on the census forms, there's never a box marked "elf."
2. Hookers who laugh when you take your pants off.
1. Health plan doesn't cover sleigh rash.

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