"Travel Agent Terms" joke

Old world charm. ........ Room with no TV, radio and only 1 light.
Tropical. ....................... Rainy.
Majestic setting. ...... A long way from town, at end of dirt road.
Options galore. ............ Nothing is included in the price.
Secluded hideaway. ......Directions to locate unclear.
Some budget rooms. ....Sorry, already occupied.
Explore on your own. ....At your own expense.
Minutes From? ??...........By Plane
Romantic. ..................... No Phone in room
Knowledgeable trip hosts. .. They've flown in an airplane before.
No extra fees. ............. No extras available.
Bird Watchers Paradise...... Your car's paint will never be the same
Nominal fee. ................ Outrageous charge.
Standard. .................... Sub-standard.
Deluxe. ....................... Barely Standard.
Superior accommodations... One complimentary chocolate,
free shower cap.
All the amenities. ........ Two chocolates, two shower caps.
Just Like Home............. No Maid service.
Plush. ................ Both top and bottom sheets, bed shakes.
Gentle breezes. .......... In hurricane alley.
Light and airy. ............. No air conditioning.
Picturesque. ............... Theme park nearby.
24-hour bar. ....Ice cubes at additional cost (when available).