"True Newspaper Headlines" joke

These are headlines for various newspapers in '97 (we will protect the guilty by not mentioning from whence they came):
Include your children when baking cookies.
Something went wrong in jet crash, experts say.
Police begin campaign to rundown jaywalkers.
Drunk gets nine months in violin case.
Iraqi head seeks arms.
Prostitutes appeal to Pope.
Panda mating fails; veterinarian takes over.
British left waffles on Falklands Islands.
Teacher strikes idle kids.
Clinton wins on budget, but more lies ahead.
Plane too close to the ground, crash probe told.
Miners refuse to work after death.
Juvenile court to try shooting defendant.
Stolen painting found by tree.
Two sisters reunited after 18 years in checkout counter.
War dims hope for peace.
If strike isn't settled quickly it may last a while.
Cold wave linked to temperatures.
Enfields couple slain; police suspect homicide.
Red tape holds up new bridges.
Typhoon rips through cemetery, hundreds dead.
Man struck by lightning faces battery charges.
New study of obesity looks for larger test group.
Kids make nutritious snacks.
Chef throws his heart into helping feed needy.
Local high school dropouts cut in half.
New vaccine may contain rabies.